Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered?
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JeffFR |
Asking for help |
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Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it?
Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered? |
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BobP |
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Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it? Car directions I find hard to ask. Really depends on the situation as to the ease of asking.
Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered? Yes. Has been increasing easier as I get older to accept good help. |
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autumn oakley |
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hmm..
Had to learn to be ok with asking for help.Am better at it now.I realize I like to help folks and People do like to help.
Happy Trails,
..summertime 'n the livin' is easy....
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Gracewings |
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Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered? If it's something specific being offered, and it's what I need then it is easy enough to accept. Where it gets tricky is where people offer nonspecific help like "call me anytime" and "just let me know what you need". That becomes difficult to take seriously. I think it is always better to offer something specific: can I bring you a meal? do you need a ride? would you like to go out for coffee and talk? People in crisis can respond much better to these less ambiguous offers.
"I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June." ~L. M. Montgomery |
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Goldilocks3 |
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It as always been easy for me to ask for help unless it is monetary. I can accept help when it is offered unless it is help I don't need or for some
reason would rather do it myself. I think we all kind of like to help, it makes us feel useful, but you have to be very careful of people's feelings.
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JeffFR |
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I'd like to get other posters reactions to Gracewings post. If people are offering to help, would you like the offers to be specific in the way she
suggested?
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Peggy Smith |
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Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it? Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered? I never used to be able to do it at all. Since getting fibro, I have had to give up driving (because of the meds) and had to accept help from many people. I think it has allowed me to look at things in a whole new way. I have to depend on others and they claim to be blessed by helping, so who am I to rob them of that blessing? When I became a believer, I told God He could have control of my life. I haven't always been very good at honoring that promise and given Him all areas. Sometimes I try to take back the control. When I think about being dependant on others, I didn't like it, but then I saw it from His perspective. They are serving Him and showing me love by helping, and I lean on Him and know His provision because they do come and help when I need it. Plus, if I respond to my situation without malice and ugliness, and instead trust in God no matter what is going on, then I am a better witness for Him. As for Grace's situation, I see her point. The only problem is that sometimes people do not know what is needed. People don't know the circumstances and what specifically is going on and what is needed most or what the person would be comfortable accepting. Unless someone has been through the exact same circumstance, and has the same resources available (or knows the person and situation very well) they may want to help, but not know what the best thing is to do. That's why they issue the blanket offer. What we need to do is find a way to some middle ground. How does the person in need get their needs across without feeling uncomfortable? How do the people wanting to give help know what the person needs unless they are informed in some way? Maybe if there was some sort of... list set up that said in case of "x" situation these are the needs most people have. Then go to the next situation. Then people could refer to it when they want to help but don't know what to do. You'd have to ask people who have gone through those things what they most would have wanted/needed from people during that time. ![]() Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Cor 2:15
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Gracewings |
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I guess a list would make it easy as it does also for Christmas shopping when you just can't think of what to get for a person. It just seems so impersonal
to me to have to write out such a list for someone who's known me for 30 years, or to have my own children make a list when they're in their teens and
twenties. I spend enough time with them to have some ideas of what they may like.
But I really don't believe it needs to be so hard because we either know the person or we know the situation. When an acquaintance of mine was battling cancer, she shared how sick she became immediately after each treatment so I knew she needed help with the hour-long drive in each direction, and a light, nutritious meal later. As things progressed, realizing her love for hymns and the spiritual truths and peace she would get from them, I then I offered to sing those with her. When my mother was battling cancer, I knew she hated missing church activities so I offered to not only drive her to them but understanding how weak she was, attended as well. When she became home-bound, the pets were not getting much exercise so I then offered to walk them. Anytime a person is confined to bed, there are a multitude of things we can offer them for their comfort, entertainment, loneliness, hunger, etc. Many people are very modest, and will not ask until they are in severe need. Being compassionate to me means considering the needs of others before they have to ask; think also of errands and chores. As I tried to teach my sons, simply opening or holding a door open for someone is to anticipate their needs. It's really not so hard when you think about it. Someone suffering a loss of a loved one may be lonely and need companionship, or they may need things done that that person once did for them. Divorce and long-distance moves may require a listening ear as isolation can be a factor; helping with children would be good here, too. If they've lost a job, the missing income and the energy spent seeking a new position will create many opportunities to help. One need only keep up communications to assess any situation. Showing a genuine interest will also make that person feel more secure in making their own suggestions as new issues arise.
"I wonder what it would be like to live in a world where it was always June." ~L. M. Montgomery |
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JeffFR |
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Thanks. It's much clearer now. I would think the more you know a person the easier it becomes to assess needs and offer to help, because even within the
same situation, people are very different. I really liked the description of the ways you helped your friend with cancer and how you kept finding new ways to
help as the situation went on. That's really wonderful, Grace.
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Gracewings |
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I feel it's important to keep up some kind of communication if one really wants to help; that puts you in the right spot at the right time. I wouldn't
second-guess but what they do or don't need, just go with your gut and if they don't want the help offered, they simply say "no". That's
what I do, it's just easy enough for me to say "No, thanks" or "Yes, thanks".
"Love all, trust few; do wrong to none." ~Shakespeare |
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JeffFR |
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I think you've brought up possible topics for two more threads.
One would be to what extent we can trust our instincts. The other would be how good are you at saying no if people are well meaning. Don't answer here. I'll develop them as new threads soon. |
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Jemima |
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It depends on how I'm asking, because my reasons don't have anything to do with the help part.
I don't usually want help when it is offered. If I do, and the person wants to help in a way that is helpful to me, I have no problem accepting it, but I haven't found most people's ideas of help to be very helpful. Most of the time, I'd like it to be in the specific way that Gracewings suggested, especially since they all started with questions. |
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JeffFR |
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Jemima wrote: |
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