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Is it easy for you to accept help when it's offered?

If it's something specific being offered, and it's what I need then it is easy enough to accept. Where it gets tricky is where people offer nonspecific help like "call me anytime" and "just let me know what you need". That becomes difficult to take seriously. I think it is always better to offer something specific: can I bring you a meal? do you need a ride? would you like to go out for coffee and talk? People in crisis can respond much better to these less ambiguous offers.

I guess a list would make it easy as it does also for Christmas shopping when you just can't think of what to get for a person. It just seems so impersonal to me to have to write out such a list for someone who's known me for 30 years, or to have my own children make a list when they're in their teens and twenties. I spend enough time with them to have some ideas of what they may like.

But I really don't believe it needs to be so hard because we either know the person or we know the situation. When an acquaintance of mine was battling cancer, she shared how sick she became immediately after each treatment so I knew she needed help with the hour-long drive in each direction, and a light, nutritious meal later. As things progressed, realizing her love for hymns and the spiritual truths and peace she would get from them, I then I offered to sing those with her. When my mother was battling cancer, I knew she hated missing church activities so I offered to not only drive her to them but understanding how weak she was, attended as well. When she became home-bound, the pets were not getting much exercise so I then offered to walk them.

Anytime a person is confined to bed, there are a multitude of things we can offer them for their comfort, entertainment, loneliness, hunger, etc. Many people are very modest, and will not ask until they are in severe need. Being compassionate to me means considering the needs of others before they have to ask; think also of errands and chores. As I tried to teach my sons, simply opening or holding a door open for someone is to anticipate their needs.

It's really not so hard when you think about it. Someone suffering a loss of a loved one may be lonely and need companionship, or they may need things done that that person once did for them. Divorce and long-distance moves may require a listening ear as isolation can be a factor; helping with children would be good here, too. If they've lost a job, the missing income and the energy spent seeking a new position will create many opportunities to help. One need only keep up communications to assess any situation. Showing a genuine interest will also make that person feel more secure in making their own suggestions as new issues arise.

I feel it's important to keep up some kind of communication if one really wants to help; that puts you in the right spot at the right time. I wouldn't second-guess but what they do or don't need, just go with your gut and if they don't want the help offered, they simply say "no". That's what I do, it's just easy enough for me to say "No, thanks" or "Yes, thanks".